What The Hell Is A Bikini Body Anyway?

It’s September!

Thank god.

Not only am I excited that I can now wear scarves, boots and legging, but to be honest, I’m most excited that I no longer have to wear tank tops, shorts, and flip flops.

It’s not that I hate my body, but honestly, I feel more comfortable when covered up, un-exposed, and less vulnerable to critique.

In addition to this season change, gone are the pressures of the “bikini body” (which I’m also stoked about).

Bikini body.

Wtf is that even.

As summer approaches we see this common phrase EVERYWHERE. Every female-tailored magazine practically screams, “GET YOUR BIKINI BODY NOW”.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?



If you take a moment to GOOGLE “Bikini Body” this is what comes up:


So apparently, THESE are the girls that have this whole bikini body thing figured out.

Want to know how to achieve it?


“Hot legs” and “sizzling arms” um ok…

This is my understand sizzling arms.


And women aren’t the only one’s being attacked by these messages that they HAVE to look “good” at the beach.

Let’s take a look.




OK that’s enough.
Let’s get to the point of this.

I find it confusing when “Health” magazines promote achieving six-packs and extreme weight loss in “15 minutes” or in “just two weeks”. GET REAL.

The results being advertised on the front pages of these magazines are totally fake and completely misleading.

Those who believe in these messages, and buy into the magazine to achieve such results, will not only be disappointed when they can’t complete this un-achieveable mission, but their self-confidence will continue to suffer as well.

The idea of a perfect bikini body is – straight up, messed up.

I’m all for promoting good health, exercise, and diet – but are we really expected to starve ourselves pre-summer, just to fit the magazine mould?

Do I really need a six-pack, skinny arms, fake boobs, and a butt lift… just to go to the beach?


Reality Check: Most of us don’t and will never look like the models on the front of magazine. Hell – most of those models don’t look like they do on those magazines.

Photoshop is a powerful thing.

If you don’t believe me, here:


By now, this probably isn’t news to you – you know about photoshop, you’ve heard about the celebrities who speak out against photo re-touching.

Yet, we still seem to be obsessed with the un-real bikini body ideal… every. single. summer.

What’s the deal?

I personally love this example below.


Some women are born naturally thin, and by no means is there anything wrong with someone who has some sort of version of the “perfect bikini body” we all seem to want.

But odd’s are, on a normal day, after eating a normal meal, you look a bit more like this left picture than the one on the right – and girl, it’s NORMAL.

And news flash – you still look freaking great.

Also, who’s to say that the right picture is a bikini body and the left is not? She’s wearing a bikini in both photo’s isn’t she?

Take Jessica Alba for example – one of the most “gorgeous women in Hollywood”, well, guess what readers, she has… dun dun dun…cellulite! And guess what else – so does virtually every other celebrity…. you just rarely get to see them in their real and genuine form.


Kate Moss? International Supermodel? Also has cellulite.


The bikini body also seems to tell us that we need to be sun-kissed tanned.


For someone like me however, (whom, as you likely know by my blog title, is, well, SUPER PALE), it can be extremely dangerous for me to experience prolonged sun exposure. It’s also extremely dangerous for me to go to tanning beds – Well, it’s bad for EVERYONE to go into tanning beds, but paler people are usually more sensitive…

It’s messed up that I feel inadequate and less pretty during the summer months due to my pearly white completion – I get made fun of on the daily – and no I’m not kidding.

It’s also messed up that I’ve considered risking SKIN CANCER just to tan up for my bikini days.

6360341356988783441750818926_lily white skin.gif

I know it’s hard to act like these “flaws” don’t phase us, and yes, I of course don’t enjoy having cellulite on my body – but I need to get over it, WE need to get over it – as much as we can.

*Thankfully I’ve started getting  over my paleness… but I’m still a work in progress.*

More importantly, we need to stop expecting others to not have it, and that only those who have (TANNED SKIN, LONG HAIR, TIGHT BODY, BIG BOOBS…I CAN GO ON), can achieve a”bikini-ready body”.

Rest assure, not all hope is lost.

Ashley Graham is currently killing the modelling scene. Considered a “plus-sized model, Graham is trying to change the way we look at beautiful bodies.


And Swimsuits For All creates swimsuits – well, for all. This campaign offers tons of flattering and stylish bikini’s and swimsuits for every type of body – promoting self-love, body-love, and attempting to eliminate fashion biases.


Think about it: If we all stopped wearing bathing suits because only those with “perfect” bikini body’s were allowed to wear them, I guarantee that less than 1% of women would ever go to a beach.

So I can tell you right now – if I want to go to the beach – I’m going to the beach.

These are all bikini bodies – and they are all great.


I can also tell you that I dont HAVE to wear a bikini if I don’t want to. I can wear shorts if I feel self-conscious. I can wear a one-piece. I can wear a full wet-suit if that’s what makes me comfortable. It’s up to me.

In my opinion, the bikini body is truly a myth… And I’m feeling super happy that I can put my bikini-expectation-frustrations aside for another three seasons.

Bikini, bye.

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