The release of Beyoncé’s Lemonade has us asking a 1,000,001 questions about some chick named Becky… but the only question I seem to REALLY care about, is the complex psychology behind the beehive’s (and the WORLD’s) hate for this “other” chick.
But this isn’t just about “Becky” – this is about all the “other women” in this world… the women that might come into your life due to THEIR relationship with YOUR partner.
What’s blowing my mind is that we seem to have this messed up idea that these “other women” are masterful seductresses that our men couldn’t possibly resist – therefore, being cheated on is a result of another woman’s choice to mess up our relationships, and not the choice of our boyfriends/husbands/partners.
Were putting so much blame on these women without prosecuting the men who chose to do us wrong… and although we can admit this doesn’t make any sense, we still do it.
Yes, men can be completely sex driven and stupid… BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, your partner is perfectly capable of controlling whom their genitals enter.
I know it’s shocking, but men, just like women, are capable of making their own choices. They are therefore also capable of making horrible and hurtful decisions due to excessive selfishness.
LESSON: Cheaters do not “give into” temptation.
There is no “giving in” to some woman who is trying to get with him… there is only he, deciding to engage with this behavior, accepting this behaviour, and then choosing to be an equal part in an adulterous act.
A man who cheats does not do so blindly. He does so with intent.
The woman whom he cheats with, whether she knows about you or not, (I’m sorry to break it to you), but owes you ABSOLUTELY nothing. She is not dating you, she has not promised to be loyal to you – she went after something she wanted, and in your boyfriend’s inability to remain loyal, he served himself up to her on a silver platter with delight.
Now – I can 100% empathize with the women who turn the bulk of their hatred toward this other woman… because I have done this exact same thing. In fact I am BEYOND guilty of this.
When my first love cheated on me back in High School I was yes, very hurt by him, but I was furious with HER.
I was furious with the other woman because I saw the man I loved as a weak puppy dog whom she took advantage of… I couldn’t comprehend how the guy I loved could do this me, so I let myself believe it had to be her fault alone.
I saw this other woman as a home-wrecker who purposefully worked some sort of voodoo magic into my relationship and lured my boyfriend away just to hurt me… but this wasn’t her fault.
Yes, maybe she broke some sort of “girl code” in hooking up with another woman’s boyfriend, but even more, my boyfriend had broken ALL the traditional rules of monogamy that he had promised when asking ME to be ONLY HIS.
The “other woman” in many situations may be a woman of loose morals, who’s lifestyle you may disagree with, or find upsetting, but the other woman doesn’t owe you loyalty – she only cares about her own interests… and as an independent woman, she’s frankly entitled to that.
I know it is easier to hate someone you barely know than to hate someone you think you love, but when we do this, we devalue ourselves and forgive people who do not deserve to be forgiven. We allow these people to think their actions are simple mistakes and not great injustices against our hearts and the ways in which we grow to accept love.
Thankfully, years later, I’ve figured this out and refuse to let it happen to me again.
Being cheated on does not make you weak, but allowing yourself to re-direct your anger towards a perfect stranger, instead of the person who betrayed you, does.
Trust me – the sooner you accept this, the stronger you will be.
Be free now Becky… if he wants to call you, we don’t want him anyways.