My First Valentine’s Day In Love

Serene couple hugging on truck at beach

I’ve had a few serious relationships in my life, and I’ve said “the word” before.

However, I have never had a Valentine’s Day where I was full-heartedly, truly, passionately, seriously, in love with a committed partner.

While I do think Valentine’s Day is very hallmark and too over the top in most cases, there is still something very romantic about the day that makes me want to be a part of it.

I’ve tried desperately to deny it… but I just can’t.

In my past “relationships” I had never made real plans for the day. I played the “cool girl” who calls it “pathetic” and doesn’t want to do anything. In reality, I’d brush the whole day off in fear of being disappointed. (For example, one year I watched a Lion Documentary with my friend Bryton, and another year I ate Sushi with my mom and her best friend).

While parts of me still agree that the day is “not a big deal”, my opinion has changed a bit since meeting someone that makes me feel truly loved.

Do I want to make a big deal out of it? No

Do I want to acknowledge it? Yes

This year, I can’t help but feel excited that I get to spend that day with the man I love and see a future with.

Yes, we spend many other days together, and show our love on more than just that one day… but I can’t help but to feel lucky to have found a partner that makes me giddy for a day all about the ways that I am feeling for him.

There have been many times in my life that I felt I was incapable of love, both giving it and recieving it.

There were many times I was let down, heart-broken, and cheated on.

There were many times I wanted to shut down and be alone.

So this year, feeling the way that I do, you better believe I’m going to freaking celebrate!

I’m not just celebrating my relationship, but also how far I’ve come to accept my worth and value.  I’m celebrating that I have not only found love, but was able to return that love, something that isn’t always easy to do when you have been hurt before.

My boyfriend and I haven’t planned anything hugely overwhelming – because that’s just not us. We’ve instead agreed to make dinner and spend the night together.

This might seem unromantic to you, but I am so freaking excited.

Going to the grocery store together, picking out our ingredients (something a bit more upscale from Kraft Dinner), and then cooking and eating together, sounds like the perfect night to me.

Having found someone I plan to spend many years with, and possibly even forever, I no longer feel the need to hide my excitement to share this day with my special someone.

It’s not about the gifts, or the flowers. Hell, I don’t even like roses to be honest. I’m just really excited to sit on the couch, cuddled into my boyfriend.

I’m excited for us to both put our phones on silent, to forget about all of our stressors and worries, and to take a real moment to say – I love you, I want you, and I choose you.

I’m excited to be able to look back at some silly picture of us one day and say, “this was my best Valentine’s Day, because it was the first one I got to spend being loved by you”.


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